Colin Norris is a colleague in the UK who has written a thought-provoking article, based on his research, about why mentorees start to “become like” their mentors, often without trying to copy them, and how that can be harnessed wisely in Christian mentoring.[1]
Big idea: mentoring as holy imitation
Norris calls this dynamic “mimetic effect”: over time, a mentoree comes to share some of a mentor’s attitudes, values, and ways of behaving, not because they consciously mimic them, but because something in the mentor “resonates” and is taken into the mentoree’s own life.
Working with Baptist ministers, he found that mentoring does more than pass on skills; it quietly shapes who ministers are becoming, especially when mentor and mentoree share a strong focus on God and transcendent purposes (God’s kingdom, calling, holiness). This leads to a “Resonance Model of Mimetic Effect,” which maps how a quality in the mentor is noticed, desired, and then embodied by the mentoree.
For a Christian mentor, the takeaway is: your way of being, your loves, and your relationship with God are constantly “sounding out” in the life of your mentoree, for good or ill. Paying attention to that process is part of faithful ministry.
Six core conditions you can cultivate
Norris identifies six conditions that tend to be present when this holy imitation takes place. You cannot manufacture them, but you can intentionally cooperate with them.
- Mentoree openness to growth and change
Mimetic effect often begins with the mentoree being disoriented or stretched: facing crisis, feeling inadequate, or aware of their limits. In that vulnerable space, they are more ready to receive and internalise something new.
In practice: notice and honour seasons where a mentoree is struggling, and help them name where they are open to God’s transforming work, rather than rushing to fix or advise. - Creative, relevant, and attainable difference
The mentor is not a clone of the mentoree but carries a “different way” that feels both attractive and reachable. For example, one mentoree learned a calmer, more flexible pastoral style from a mentor who was noticeably less anxious and more patient than he was, yet still recognisably “like him.”
In practice: be yourself, and let your distinctive strengths show, especially where they may offer a new way through your mentoree’s current tensions. Don’t downplay the differences that might actually give them hope. - Friendship-like care and going beyond duty Mentorees spoke about their mentors caring “beyond what’s expected”: checking in between sessions, praying for them, believing in them, conveying “I’ve got your back.” That extra, almost friendship-like love deepened trust and made the mentor’s qualities highly influential.
In practice: small, concrete gestures of care (a text on a hard day, remembering details, genuine advocacy) create the relational “resonance board” that amplifies your influence. - Real humanity and vulnerable self-disclosure Mentors who shared their own struggles, ordinary life, and ministry challenges were experienced as more relatable and their qualities as more attainable. Vulnerability did not weaken their exemplarity; it made their Christlikeness seem reachable rather than idealised.
In practice: wisely disclose your own weaknesses, mistakes, and ongoing growth, not to centre yourself but to show that the life you model is grace-shaped, not perfectionist. - Deep-level similarity (especially in faith and calling) It was not surface similarity (age, background) that mattered most, but a shared theological outlook and understanding of ministry – particularly a mutual priority on attending to God. Mentor and mentoree both saw God as the “third person” in the room and shared assumptions about calling and the purpose of ministry.
In practice: continually return, with your mentoree, to questions like “What do you think God is doing here?” and “How does this fit your sense of calling?” This shared frame makes specific qualities (e.g., grace, courage, patience) meaningful and desirable. - Mutual prioritising of God and prayer (“the third person”) Prayer wasn’t window dressing; it was central to the mimetic process. Mentor and mentoree prayed together about the very qualities being discussed, aligning them with God’s character and purposes. Prayer both voiced and reinforced what kind of person the mentoree longed to become in Christ.
In practice: regularly pray in ways that echo and reinforce the qualities being explored in the session (“Lord, grow in Sarah this gracious patience…”). You are both naming and inviting the mimetic movement towards Christlike character.
Two key motivational drivers
Underneath these conditions, Norris sees two main “drivers” that actually move mentorees from admiration to imitation.
- Resonance with a transcendent vision A mentoree is drawn to a mentor’s quality not just because it “works,” but because it fits a bigger story: God’s purposes, Christ’s likeness, the kingdom. A quality is desired as part of answering God’s call, not just fixing a ministry problem.
In practice: help your mentoree explore questions like, “How does this way of leading reflect the character of Christ?” or “How is this linked to God’s purposes in your context?” This connects growth to worship and vocation, not just technique. - Resonance with a particular mentor quality Certain mentor qualities “chime” or “sing” in the mentoree. They feel an inner “yes”: this is relevant to my struggle, attainable for me, and desirable in light of my calling. That felt resonance generates energy, joy, and motivation to move toward that same quality.
In practice: when you notice your mentoree light up around something you do or say, stay with it. Ask, “What is it about that that resonates with you?” or “If that quality grew in you, what difference might it make?” You’re pressing the piano’s sustain pedal, letting the note keep sounding.
The Resonance Model, simply put
Norris’ Resonance Model imagines the mentoring relationship like a piano: the six conditions are the wooden soundboard, and a mentor’s pronounced quality is the note that is struck. When the conditions are in place, that quality resonates in the mentoree, especially when it aligns with shared transcendent goals and a common worldview.
The process moves roughly like this:
- The mentor’s way of being “sounds” a particular quality (e.g., “grace by the bucketful,” courageous authenticity, patient flexibility).
- The mentoree, in a context of trust, similarity in calling, and shared focus on God, experiences that quality as relevant, attainable, and desirable.
- That quality resonates with their deeper sense of vocation and with their picture of God’s purposes.
- Through reflection, prayer, and ongoing relationship, the mentoree begins to enact that quality in their own distinct way – not as a copy, but as their own Christ-shaped expression.
For a Christian mentor, this means you are constantly participating in a subtle formation process: who you are is forming who they are becoming, especially where your qualities resonate with the shared call to follow Christ and serve his kingdom.
Practical cautions for Christian mentors
Because this process is powerful, Norris also warns it can go wrong.
- Unexamined convictions, rigid theology, or narrow views of God can limit what a mentoree feels free to become.
- There is a risk of spiritual manipulation if prayer and Scripture are used to press the mentoree toward the mentor’s preferences rather than the mentoree’s genuine call.
So, mentors need:
- Ongoing self-reflection and supervision, since their own inner life and enthusiasms are constantly being “caught.”
- Integrity and respect in how they handle prayer and the Christian story, so that mentoring remains congruent with the mentoree’s needs and not a vehicle for “toxic” influence.
In short, mentoring is not only about asking good questions and sharing wisdom; it is about offering your whole self to God so that, as others walk alongside you, they are gently drawn toward Christ through what resonates in your life.
As you think about your own mentoring, what one quality in you do you suspect currently “resonates” most strongly with those you mentor?
[1] Colin Norris, Mimetic effect in mentoring: the contribution of shared transcendence values, in International Journal of Evidence Based Coaching and Mentoring, 2019, S13, pp.126-140. DOI: 10.24384/62b9-wn72