Empathy is a human superpower, isn’t it?
I was in a seminar recently in which we were discussing the possible usefulness of Artificial Intelligence in mentoring, and even whether AI could take over the role of a mentor. AI is certainly a powerful tool, and it’s coming, ready or not, into all of our lives. It’s great at summarising large quantities of input, it handles routine IT/administrative tasks extraordinarily quickly (as long as you can tell it precisely what you require done) and can bring to your attention points of view you might not have thought of. You have to watch it though. Generative AI isn’t great at distinguishing between facts and plausible possibilities.
When it comes to Christian mentoring there are certain things for which AI is no good at all. AI can’t pray. Totally useless. It can write a prayer, drawing from classic prayers that have been published, but we all know there’s a world of difference between written words and engaging with God in spirit to Spirit conversation. AI is also no good at true creativity. By definition, the materials it generates are derivative. To be fair, a lot of our human creativity is also derivative. But in the same vein, AI is not good at handling uniqueness, because it can only reference what already exists.
As Christian mentors, one of our foundational principles is the recognition that we are working with a unique son or daughter of God, differentiated from every other human who has ever lived. We don’t treat people as ‘average’ or ‘typical’ as AI inevitably will. We should also bear in mind that intelligence is not the same thing as wisdom. Christian mentors help mentorees inquire after God’s wisdom in various ways, including seeking the guidance of the Holy Spirit. This frame of reference for what is true and good is not part of AI algorithms.
But in this seminar I was in, the thing we agreed stood out above all others for which humans are way better than AI is empathy. AI has no emotions, it deals with data in programmed, mechanical ways. Perhaps AI will learn to pretend to engage emotionally, drawing on observable effects of emotion, but that simulation will always remain fake. And we humans are pretty good at spotting fake emotions. Humans can actually feel. We can enter into the emotional space of another person to share in what they are experiencing at a deep level.
This is our human mentor superpower… Or is it?
There are positives and negatives associated with the exercise of empathy in mentoring.
On the positive side, empathy greatly helps a mentoree feel understood, and that sets off a cascade of good outcomes. Feeling understood builds trust, which leads to lower anxiety, which leads to more open communication, which leads to deeper insights. The foundation of trust also helps a person to be more vulnerable, honest, willing to hear alternative points of view, more prepared to work at difficult challenges. That sure sounds like a superpower!
But there are a few factors on the negative side. Of marginal importance, but still worth mentioning, empathy takes considerable time to develop and express effectively. It can be exhausting for the mentor, especially when the emotional space you’re entering is dark. More important than those things, however, is the way empathy can introduce serious boundary challenges. If you’re not careful, empathy can overwhelm wisdom and objectivity to the point of unhelpful collusion with the mentoree. If you get to that point you may be supporting the other person in a soothing sort of fashion, but I would contend that you’re no longer practicing good mentoring.
So, we need to think carefully about how to responsibly use this superpower of empathy.
Part of the answer to keeping empathy healthy and constructive within Christian mentoring is to maintain our curiosity. Empathy is graciously supportive; curiosity can be challenging in pursuit of truth. Both grace and truth, support and challenge are necessary for good mentoring. This does not mean we have to rein in our empathy, but we must be aware that empathy can shut down our curiosity. I have certainly experienced this, when a wave of empathy has caused me to stop asking questions that might challenge whether my mentoree’s emotional responses are warranted or appropriate to what is going on for them.
Another part of the answer may be to anchor our empathy in the heart of God; as Bob Pierce once said, ‘to have our hearts broken by the things that break the heart of God’ (and, I suggest, to have our hearts rejoice in the things that make God glad.) This means to make empathy with God primary and empathy with our mentoree secondary. These two loci of empathy are not necessarily incompatible, because God definitely does deeply care for the person we are mentoring. But we will serve our mentorees best if we remember that their emotional responses may not always propel them towards God’s wise counsel.
– Rick Lewis
ACMN Committee Member & Professional Mentor