All of us desire to impact lives. All of us are passionate as Jesus’ followers wanting to make a difference as we mentor others. But how frustrating is it when we are mentoring someone and it seems to be going nowhere?! When we don’t get clear responses to our questions, when they don’t have anything to talk about and when things seem to dry up. Is it time to give up with them? Perhaps. Or to give up mentoring all together? Unlikely.
Rather than needing to give up on a mentoree or feeling as though there’s something wrong with us or what we’re doing, there are a few keys that can unlock “Meaningful Mentoring”.
Connect meaningfully
Always prepare yourself before your session prayerfully reflecting upon what’s happening in the other person’s world. Set aside your present challenges or busyness and pause to listen to the Lord to hear how He may want you to connect with them. Think about: What has been happening in their lives? What challenges are they facing? What victories may they have won? How can you walk alongside them best strengthening them?
All this before you actually meet. Now whilst you are meeting:
Listen meaningfully
There are many excellent articles on active listening. Applying the overall principles here:
- Take time to hear where they’re coming from
- Set aside assumptions
- Listen to what’s behind what they’re saying
- Could there be a deeper issue? If so, how can you help them best discover it?
- Have excellent, but not intimidating, eye contact
- Smile, nod or respond with appropriate facial responses
- Lean forward as you listen
- Seek more to hear them than to tell your stories, talk about yourself or even to help fix them
As mentors we are guiding people on journeys of discovery for themselves rather than diagnosticians who prescribe solutions and antidotes. Listening meaningfully enhances this.
Finish meaningfully
As you spent time with them, towards the end begin to summarise what you’ve heard them saying, checking with them as to whether you’ve heard correctly.
Check in about what they have considered, discovered and recognised.
Summarise actions they’ve committed to following up. Check whether that’s clear and realistic for them. If so, challenge them to commit and let them know you’ll follow up next time you meet.
Make the next appointment. This sets it up for you and locks it in for them so that they are spurred to prepare before they next meet with you.
Smile kindly and encourage them especially towards the close of the session if it’s been a tougher one for them.
Pray for them as you finish.
Stand as they go, cheerfully wishing them well as they embark on the next leg of their journey.
Once they’re gone:
Take a moment to reflect on the session:
What went well? Why? What could have gone better? Why? What will you do differently next time? What do you need to ask them when you next meet up with them? Pray, giving thanks for the time you’ve had with them and the privilege it was to journey with them. And pray for yourself that you would be refreshed and ready for whatever’s next.
– Brian Birkett